So, here's a sad story.
Once upon a time, I was very young, and then I turned 14 or so and put on like 40 pounds overnight. Which, I'll admit, wasn't that big of a deal since I was a tiny human being to begin with. That's not the sad part. After that, I stayed at the same size... forever.
But then, TRAGEDY STRUCK! I got married!
Okay, that wasn't tragic. What's tragic is the thing that happens to everyone (apparently) after they get married: I started putting on weight again.
My mind was totally blown, because for the past six plus years of my life I had eaten whatever and not changed size at all, except maybe a couple pounds of variation. Seriously, I'm not kidding, there was a point in my life where I ate almost exclusively Doritos, ice cream, and boxed pasta for four months and barely gained an ounce.
So now it's a new year, and aside from my resolution to be less of a jerk, I also resolved to lose the pooch I've put on since my wedding. But here's the problem...
I'm SO LAZY, you guys.
No matter what I did before, I didn't gain or lose any weight, so I didn't really bother to exercise or eat people food. And I hate exercising! And I really hate being hungry!
I hope to lose at least all of the weight that I've gained since I've gotten married, since I apparently qualify as "overweight" now.
I did think of a pretty quick plan to lose some weight, but I don't really want to resort to extreme measures just yet.
So before we do anything drastic, I know some of you readers out there are fit/healthy people. What advice do you have for a twentysomething office drone who can barely climb the stairs to sit her lazy butt in her cubicle every day?
Here are some requirements for your specially tailored diet/exercise plan:
1. Jogging makes me want to die, so we definitely can't have any of that.
2. I probably will never go to the gym more than... twice. In my life. Seriously, I once paid for a gym membership for a year and didn't even go to that part of town.
3. I'm like frigging Paula Deen in the kitchen. Meaning I really like to cook and not much of my cooking is even sort of healthy.
4. I do not like being hungry. Admittedly, sometimes if I get too busy I can go for days without eating, but if I ever notice that I'm hungry, heaven help us all.
5. I have a bored-eating problem. Sometimes I'll look down and my desk will be covered in wrappers from candy I didn't even know I had. My mouth just needs something to do!
6. I'm pretty terrible at self discipline. I'll whine like you wouldn't believe, and I'm no good at following through on things on my own motivation.
So anywho, good luck with that! If you can find a way for me to lose 15-20 pounds without dieting, exercising, or making any sort of extra effort, you... uh... get to marry a princess. Or perhaps you get the key to the city. Or some sort of trophy. Yeah! I'll buy/make/acquire a trophy, and if you solve the riddle, I'll give it to you.
Let the games begin!
Oh my gosh. It's like we're the same person. Except slightly different.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the only thing I've found so far that helps is my 3DS has a built-in pedometer and walking at least 4000 steps every day helps me on Pokemon. But 4000 steps isn't actually all that many.
Ugh. This is a topic I've been avoiding for 9 1/2 months (i.e., since baby). My biggest goal is drinking water. You'll be amazed at what a difference it makes! A relatively small change, but you will notice the impact. Stop buying soda and invest in a nice water bottle. It's hard in the beginning, but it gets way easier as you go. Buy a bottle of Mio or Crystal Light to flavor your water at first then gradually move to plain water. I dropped five pounds in a month when I did this the first time.
ReplyDeleteGo to Target and get an Ello glass water bottle! They look like they're made of MAGIC. And the water tastes better out of them, I noticed a difference. I know, when I saw it, at first I was like "Glass! I'll break that!" But you know what? I actually did break it. And also the next one I bought. But that's because I don't have a desk job and I ride a bike. I think if that bottle had a desk to sit on, it'd spend less time doing cool flippy tricks in the hands of its owner, and more time sitting there, occasionally being picked up for a nice refreshing drink while the owner did memos and stuff. So some day when I have a desk, I'll get another one. But I'm seconding Julie. I contribute the loss of pooch on my belly over the summer to the amount of water I took in. That silly patch'o'fat is back again because I don't drink as much but I'm getting back to it.
DeleteI consider myself a health nut. And I also hate exercise. :) what I did is a probably more extreme than what you want, but I cut out dairy and meat out of 90% of my life and I weigh 145 at nine months pregnant :) I eat a lot of fruit, salads, stir fries and curry, lots of water, and plenty of chocolate. But I know its not easy, so if you want to start light then I recommend watching your snacking and, actually, jump roping 3 times a week.
ReplyDeleteNo more MEAT?! I would give up chocolate first! (shudder) I tried being vegetarian once, and I lasted about three hours. But jumping rope sounds like an attractive option!
DeleteDANGIT! I forgot to sign out of Shannon's account.
DeleteJumping rope is bouncy. Also, cutting out dairy and meat (especially while you're pregnant) without making up for those nutrient losses is not a good idea.
I will point out that you have a very selective memory. When you were buying your own food (the chips and ice cream diet) you DID gain weight very quickly. You lost it when you scaled back on the junk food and walked around WSU campus when you lived back at home.
-your mom
Not THAT much weight. Like mebbe 5 pounds at most. Although my hair was shorter then...
DeleteCount your calories. That's the biggest thing that helps with weight loss. I downloaded a free app on my phone, MyFitnessPal (they also have a website). If I go over on my calories I just walk more. Get a pedometer and shoot for 10,000 steps. The other big thing is eating slow. If you eat slow savoring and focusing on your food you'll recognize you're full far sooner than if you aren't focused on eating and eating quickly.
ReplyDeleteI'm mainly just going to agree with some of the previous comments...
ReplyDeleteDrinking water really does help. Sometimes, when you think you're hungry, you're really just thirsty, so drinking water will help you feel less hungry. And eating slow does help because it gives your body time to digest what you've already eaten, helping you to realize when you are full and helping to make sure that you don't over eat. (Personally, I don't exactly savor my food because I can't really taste it...)
Also, there are studies that show that getting 10,000 steps daily is a good, healthy-like thing to do. In Japanese, the 10,000 steps a day is like "Manpo-Kei" or something...