We Continue To Be Married

American Gothic, cartoon Jackie-and-Dan style

This day, Daniel and I have been married for half an entire year. 

So, two things...

First thing! Now that I'm a grown-up adult in a grown-up adult relationship with a... husband... I've learned a lot of things about what matters and what doesn't really.

Things that matter: Love, compassion, understanding, family, self-reliance, education, growing.

Things that don't matter: Material possessions, image, grudges, month-iversaries. 

For realsies though, now that I'm married and it's forever, rather than a high school boyfriend who may or may not be around in a week or a month or a year, months don't matter. Years barely matter. I mean, I can see why we would celebrate an ANNiversary every year. It's a commemoration of the event that began our marriage, much like a birthday or national holiday. Maybe it's a newlywed thing (actually I'm sure it is, because I haven't seen any old people celebrating their 604-month-iversaries) but I just can NOT understand it. Sure, it's nice to think about your marriage and how your life has changed for the better, but I don't think it necessarily warrants a Facebook post or even full on celebration.

Today, to celebrate our semi-anniversary, Daniel and I ate beef stew and hung out in our pajamas, like we do pretty much every day. Frankly, that's better to me than going out for a fancy dinner or taking a vacation or getting each other gifts for a day that doesn't even really mean more than other days.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with celebrating your month-iversaries, I just can't understand it.

Would you celebrate your child's age in months?

Second thing! Congratulations.

Webster's Dictionary defines "congratulations" as follows:

con·grat·u·la·tion (n): a message telling someone that you are happy because of his or her success or good luck.

Now, let's look at some instances in which it is appropriate to congratulate someone...

"I finally got the promotion I've been waiting for!"

"Congratulations!"

(Success)

"My wife had the baby last week! It was a tough pregnancy but totally worth it."

"Oh, congratulations! That's great!"

(Success)

"You'll never believe what I just found out! The arrow missed all my vital organs!"

"Hooray, congratulations!"

(Good Luck)

"I became the most powerful plantation owner in all of Farmville!"

"...congratulations?"

(Success... I guess)

Here are some instances in which it would not be so appropriate to congratulate someone...

"I saw this weird dog on the way to work today. It was like a mastiff but with wiener dog legs."

"Congratulations!"

(Just an observation)

"Man, my mom is coming over this weekend and she always brings her stupid teenage boyfriend."

"Oh, wow, congratulations!"

(That doesn't mean anything. Unless maybe you're congratulating the mom. In which case, you're gross.)

"It's been six months since that horrible tornado destroyed our trailer park."

"Congratulations, bro!"

(Just marking the passing of time)

That last one there is how I feel about people congratulating people on their anniversaries... Like, I can understand congratulating someone on the wedding itself. Weddings are hard work, and they are the result of a lot of combined success and good luck. 

But, personally, I don't think it should be luck to stay married for a year, or ten years, or fifty years. I don't even really think it should be considered a success to just... stay married. Sure, these days lasting marriages are a bit of a rarity, and that's unfortunate. But I feel like we shouldn't be surprised when someone's marriage stands the test of time. At the very least, we should be relieved. But I think we should learn to start expecting marriages to last ten or twenty or a hundred years.

So perhaps a more appropriate response would be something along the lines of...

"My wife and I have been married for 25 years next week!"

"That's awesome, man. I hope you have many more wonderful years together."

"Today is our fifth anniversary!"

"That's sweet! I'm glad you guys are happy."

"It's our first anniversary today!"

"Happy anniversary, you two! It just gets better from here."

Anywho. Yes, I realize that technically it is acceptable to congratulate someone on their anniversary. This is just what I think, and you can take it or leave it. 

(steps off soapbox)