Our Anniversary Happened

I was going to make some big deal about how it was our first anniversary this weekend, but I couldn't really think of anything interesting to say about it... We spent the night at a cute, slightly haunted B&B, ate some expensive food, and then we came home. Plus, we both came down with a yucky cold, so I don't have a ton if energy for thinking. Therefore, I drew you this pictures depicting how we are spending our Memorial Day!

There is a post about our kittens coming up, though, so stay tuned for that.

A Comprehensive Guide to Jackie's Hair

Since the early years of Cartoon Jackie, many different aspects of my person have changed drastically. 

From the beginning stages of primordial me, I lost the giant geeky glasses, my head got a little bigger, the feet and fingers went away, my facial features took a brief hiatus and came back as tiny eyes and huge mouth, and finally gained another dimension and leveled out as the magnificent creation you see before you today.

Throughout all these changes, however, one thing has stayed the same:

My ponytail.

Remember this movie?

Yeah, based on my life. Totally underrated, if you ask me. People just don't appreciate a good Scottish accent these days.

But I digress...

Anyone who has met me knows that my hair is my crowning glory. Naturally curly since birth (well, a couple of years after birth. I was bald for a long time), the foofy mass atop my head has gained a personality of its own. When I was in junior high, my friends joked that my ponytail contained mystical properties, additional storage space, or a second brain. By the time I was in high school, people were convinced that it was a symbiotic organism attached to my scalp.

These days, its favorite pastimes include getting stuck in my eyelashes, sucked up in seatbelts, rolled up in car windows, shut in doors, sat on, and zipped up in my jacket. It also enjoys crawling down Daniel's throat at night and grabbing people as they walk past my desk at work.

Sadly, for all the sentience my hair has gained over the years, it has never quite grasped the concept of language. Therefore, it has had to learn to communicate in its own way. The following is a Hair-to-English dictionary, for your reference.

What it Means: Why yes, I did shower today! I probably even used a blow dryer before I came to work (with a diffuser, of course).  It smells like roses and sunshine. It sure doesn't taste like it, though.

What it Means To You: Look, but don't touch. I know it's tempting, the curls are so boingy and it's probably soft like a duck. If you come anywhere near it, though, it will grab you, pull you in, and start digesting you like that island in The Life of Pi. Plus you'll make it all fuzzy and then it will look stupid, so thanks a lot. If I have it down over my face, I'm probably hiding from you, so leave me alone.

What it Means: It's been a long day, and I can only have my hair down for so long before it gets ridiculously hot or just tangled around everything in my immediate vicinity. The Ponytail is my natural state, so I will always revert to it after a while.

What it Means To You: Fine, you can play with my hair if you want. Heck, it's not my problem anymore, it's on the back of my head! But I still can't be held responsible if anything terrible happens to you. Plus, if my hair is contained in the good ol' PT, I'm probably in a decent mood and won't bite you or run away if you try to talk to me.

What it Means: Okay, yes. You caught me. I did sleep in this ponytail. I was probably up late and I slept through my alarm, so I may or may not have slept in this shirt too. 

What it Means To You: Grrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrr. Grr. Don't ask me hard questions or say things that annoy me. Also, don't sniff my hair at this point, because it most definitely does not smell like roses and sunshine anymore.

What it Means: Why yes, I did shower today! I probably even used a blow dryer, too. But it probably went horribly awry and my hair couldn't be seen in public, so I had to braid it for the safety of everyone around me. It could also mean that I'm going to bed, for similar safety reasons. 

What it Means To You: I probably had a stressful morning, so speak softly and don't make any sudden movements unless you want me to explode into hysteria.

What it Means: It has probably been way too many days since I've showered, and my hair is secretly dreadlocks under there. A bun is the only way to pretend that I kind of meant to do that.

What it Means To You: Please don't touch my hair. Don't touch me. Don't come near me. Don't ask me if I got punched in the face or are those just huge bags under my eyes. Don't ask me complicated questions or questions that you could have easily answered yourself. Don't talk to me, actually. Just let me sit here until it's tomorrow.

What it Means: Yeah, I had a few hours to kill and felt like holding hot things near my face for a couple of those hours. And yes, it's still me under there. I know you didn't recognize me at first.

What it Means To You: Feel free to stroke it lovingly, but only after I brush through it four or five times, because that's not something I can normally do. Also, don't ask me to raise my arms above my head or lift anything, because I just held a hot thing to my face for two hours. Please do not drink anything near me or mention the weather or think about moisture too loudly, because it was really hard to get it to stay straight.

What it Means: Yeah, I had maybe an hour or an hour and a half to kill, or maybe my arms got tired halfway through, or maybe I saw a picture of a raindrop. Whatever, man. I stopped caring.

What it Means To You: Don't tell me my hair is so straight, I know it's not. If you mention it my obsessive compulsive brain won't be able to stop thinking about the two wrinkled bits all day, and then I'll be ashamed of myself, so let's just all pretend nothing is different. 

What it Means: Someone else did my hair.

What it Means To You: Don't bother asking me how I did it, I don't know. I wish I did though, because a French braid would be the new Old Faithful, if it weren't for the fact that it's so hard to draw.

From Whence I Came

Okay, first off, let me make an apology to all those who have been anxiously awaiting a new blog post for weeks. A lot of big things have been happening lately and I haven't had a ton of time to write. Plus we just barely got internet like a week ago.

That said, happy Mother's Day, everyone!

Let's talk about my own mother. 

Twenty one years, five months, and two days ago, I came into this world and made her more than she was (you're welcome, Mom). She looked down into my tiny baby face, after 24 long hours of labor, and said with tears in her eyes, "It looks like a lizard."

Before I started this blog post, I thought a lot about the things that make my mom who she is. I pulled out my tablet and stylus and drew whatever came to mind, and now I'm here typing the words part and I can't quite figure out how to pull it all together. So, without further ado, here are some funny things about my mother!

The Nail Polish Box

My mother and sisters and I enjoy spending time together painting our fingernails. We go to the store, pick out fun colors of nail polish, and sit down and test it out. My poor father hates it, says it stinks up his whole house. He usually opens a can of sardines to fight stinky with stinky. But for us girl types, that's some quality bonding time. 

These days, all of the gazillions of colors of nail polish collected over the years are gathered together in two or three shoe boxes. Inside these boxes is everything we need for nail painting. In recent years, however, the nail polish box has gained a new addition.

It contains...

...all the colors of nail polish, for painting.

...nail polish remover, for changing colors.

...cotton balls, for apply nail polish remover.

...and reading glasses, because my mother is old now and can't look at things close up.

Instant Messaging

I have a crippling fear of talking on phones, and sometimes I get really busy and don't have a ton of time to go visit. However, due to the marvel that is Google, we mainly keep in touch via instant messaging. 

Well... maybe "instant" messaging is a bit of a stretch.

I recently took a typing test for a job interview, and my score showed that I type about 75 words per minute. My dear mother, on the other hand...

The woman types like she's disarming a bomb. You'd think the keyboard was going to jump up and bite her. 

Lessons Learned

Oh! I sort of figured out a direction to go. Yay me. The next few pictures are about things my mother taught me that have made me a more useful member of society. 

My mother recently told me that her main goal in raising her children was for them to grow up into independent, smart, productive women. None of us was ever raised to be a "kept woman" or to have anyone take care of us. 

As soon as I was old enough, I was taught how to be an effective person. I was given responsibilities and educated on every aspect of adulthood. 

She taught me how to manage money and how to make my meager funds stretch further. She taught me how to save money, how to spend money, and how to never pay full price for anything.

I remember one particular incident when I was young and getting ready to start school. I was going to big kid school, so I needed a new big kid backpack. I had found one that I loved, but there was one problem...

One of the most important lessons my mother taught me, though, is something I can apply to every aspect of my life. It's something I've shared with friends and with the young women I taught. 

That lesson is this:

Don't try to be a size 2 if you're really a size 6.

Think about it like this: Have you ever worn pants that were two sizes too small? You could be a perfectly healthy person that is perfectly average sized, but be wearings pants made for a person who is significantly less than average. You might squoosh those pants on in the morning and think to yourself "Hooray me, I'm a size 2!" But really, everyone else looks at you and says "Wow. Look at that poor pudgy girl. Bless her heart."

Now think about this. Have you ever had that pair of pants that just fits perfectly? You wake up in the morning, pull your pants on comfortably, look in the mirror, and think "Guuuuurrrrl." Maybe those pants aren't a size 2, but they look so good on you. Truthfully, your pants may be bigger, but they make you look a lot skinnier than a tiny pair of pants with love handles hanging over the side ever could.

That lesson doesn't necessarily apply to just pants, either. It could mean taking on a project that you actually have the time and resources to accomplish, rather than one that seems more impressive. It could mean choosing a major that actually suits your talents an abilities, rather than one that makes more money. It could mean choosing a piece of music to perform that is simple, beautiful, and within your range, rather than one that is complex and impressive. 

You'll always look better doing well at something that fits you, rather than failing at something that doesn't. 

For those of you in this world who have mothers (read: everyone), you too should take a moment to think about your mother and everything she has taught you. Chances are, it's a lot.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.