Tuesday, May 12, 2015
I've always had somewhat of a delicate relationship with makeup. I wasn't really that interested in makeup as a child because I considered myself a tomboy. When my sister and I played dress-up, usually the only makeup I was wearing was a mascara mustache.
As I got older though, it became more and more apparent that I look like a pale dead zombie person without makeup on. I have pretty light colored eyelashes and not a lot of natural color in my face, especially under florescent lights. My mother used to hold me down and put blush on me before we went to church so it didn't look like she kept me in a dark attic room all the time. She did, but she didn't want people to know that.
Eventually I got into high school and I decided that I needed to start wearing makeup so boys would like me (spoiler alert: they don't care) so I starter painting my face of my own accord. One would think that, as an artist, I would be super pro at putting on warpaint, but alas. Turns out drawing on a paper and drawing on your own face are two very different skills. All the YouTube tutorials on the internet couldn't save me now.
I have the kind of face that isn't made for makeup. Firstly, I have combination skin, so finding makeup that doesn't either turn my face into the desert sands or turn it into a greasy mess is a challenge. Add to that the fact that, try as I might, I can't resist touching my face all the time, and you have a total disaster. Plus, somehow my facial features make it so there is a veeerrrrrry fine line between undead and The Joker.
These days, I'm trying this grand social experiment where I wear gradually more and more makeup until I look so horrific, people actually think I look better without makeup. It started from no makeup:
"Oh, Jackie, you look so pretty today!" people would say. "Did you change your hair?"
It wasn't a noticeable change at first really, maybe a bit of mascara and some powder to put some life back in my face. But the comments were encouraging, so I tried to take it maybe a step further.
I have pretty beefy eyelashes, so I got a volumizing mascara, and people noticed! "Wow, look at your lashes! Do you have fake eyelashes on? How do you deal with that? Are those REAL?!"
I didn't usually point out that I can barely get past putting my hair in a ponytail in the morning, so why on earth would I bother gluing wads of Barbie hair to my face. People tend to overestimate how much time I spend on myself in the morning. I'm reeeally lazy.
Versus, without makeup, people would say things like "You look tired." or "Rough night?"
Nevertheless, the winged eyeliner trend came around and I learned that I could make my eyes look bigger with some black eyeliner and a wee bit of shadow. I've always been self conscious about having beady eyes, even though my dad says I have Bambi eyes. He has to say that though, he's my dad. So, I stepped it up again.
"Wow, Jackie, you look cute today! I wish I could get my eyeliner to look like that. You're like a princess!"
Versus "You look sick" or, one of my personal favorites which a person actually said to me, "Are you okay? Because you look like you got punched in both eyes really hard."
"Wow, uh, you look fancy today! What's the occasion? Why are you all dressed up?"
Yeah, okay, at this point I'm trying too hard. It clearly took longer than usual to get ready and I'm pretending to be someone I'm not.
Now, this is the part where things take a turn. In all my overcompensating, I start to cross a line. Of course, at this point it's semi-deliberate and also revenge for the black-eye comment. Here is where I jump the border between "lots of makeup" and "Snooki-face."
All of a sudden, No-Makeup Jackie doesn't look all that bad! Suddenly, I start hearing things like "You look so much better without makeup. You look so natural! You should try to go natural more often."
I haven't quite passed the Lady Gaga stage just yet, but I don't know if I'm ready to full-on commit to one of those air-brush contraptions or taking the time to actually bother to address the secret horror that is my eyebrows. Maybe there's a way to gradually work my way back down the makeup scale?
Either way, in the meantime maybe I'll try to stick with the old classic.
Either way, in the meantime maybe I'll try to stick with the old classic.
at 9:37 AM
Friday, February 27, 2015
Rest in pieces, The Hug.
I drew this picture on the very first day I got my wonderful car, on July 3, 2012. We only had two and a half short years together before The Hug's shoddy brakes betrayed the both of us, and we ran a red light and smashed into the side of a Jeep (which came away with nothing but a substantial dent in comparison).
Farewell, sweet The Hug. Journey on into the Autobahn of the netherworld, where you can finally break 85 without making that unsettling groaning noise, where your paint has no scratches and your windshield no cracks. May you always have a full tank of gas, and may you never again be pooped upon by the birds that live in our carport.
Go softly into the night. Heaven knows you never did anything softly in life.
at 10:17 AM
Saturday, January 24, 2015
At my mother's behest, I have also scanned and thus forever preserved one of my crowning achievements in middle-school science assignments. Hopefully you all enjoy it as much as she does.
"Jackie, are you scanning and posting all your childhood drawings because you're too lazy to draw new things?"
I... uh, what? No! Shut up. Read this adorable educational book I wrote.
Also, since this lovely note from a teacher was included in the same folder with this book, I thought I'd share it as a little bonus, so you can all see what a wonderful mother I have.
at 9:46 PM
In case you thought I was done with Super Weasel comics, don't worry! There's more where that came from!
Today's collection samples a few of the shorter episodes, from three panels to two pages. That way if you don't have time to try and decipher a whole long episode of Tweenage-Jackie handwriting in one go, you can take it in short bursts.
The first comic for this post actually started out as a school assignment and probably won me some major brownie points with my history teacher (yes, I was That Kid in school.)
Now let's travel back together to a time when life was simpler, and apparently everyone wore berets...
Click the image to enlarge.
That is definitely the version of that story they should teach in schools.
The next couple of comics are a very incredibly brief explanation of how Super Weasel ended up with the responsibility of protecting an entire city, and a Mother's Day Super Weasel Special.
These comics feature a great inside look at the inside of Super Weasel's super sweet titanium steel fortress.
I'll bet you've never seen a weasel wear high heels before!
And last but not least, a comic that I had entirely forgotten about but that made me laugh real hard when I read it for the first time in who knows how long.
It says "Continued" at the end, but I have no idea if it ever actually was, or where I might have been going with that. But the first half is still hilarious!
Also, good news, I found some very, very rough drafts of a heretofore UNSEEN episode of Super Weasel, which I shall be transcribing into comic form in the coming week. Prepare yourselves for...
The Attack of the Wicked Wanda Weasel!
Coming soon to a blog near you.
at 9:14 PM