Little Prizes and More Different Little Prizes!

AAAAAH!

OK, I was too excited. 

Remember how I said I was going to reveal the first little prizes on Sunday, July 28? 

Well... they came early, and I was too stoked about them to keep them secret any longer. 

TA-DAAAHHHH!

Introducing, the first awesome prizes you can win from Plans for Nigel! Above you will see a bunch of adorable pictures of hamsters holding signs with QR codes on them. 

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! 

They aren't just little pictures of hamsters, they're STICKERS of hamsters! Put them on your laptop, your phone, your notebook, your locker, your dog, your bike, your lunchbox, your siblings, or just stick them randomly on public property so everyone can see!

Each sticker is a smallish square slightly less than two U.S. quarter-diameters in length/width (I measured), and features Bandy-called-Walter (right) and our very own Nigel (left) holding a sign which bears a QR code. When scanned with a smartphone or other QR-capable device, these stickers can be used to pull up a secret surprise website that you will never guess!

...yes, it's Plans for Nigel. 

That was a lucky guess, though. I'll bet your mom helped you.

YOU KNOW YOU WANT THEM!

If I had a bazillion dollars, I would wallpaper my apartment in them. 

You can win stickers as prizes (check out the page "Prizes Fun!" above), or if you really want to buy them that bad you can special order them by emailing hemustbehappy.blogspot.com. Each sticker is $0.50 a piece, or buy 3 randomly selected stickers for $1.00. 

I Need to Chill

Once upon a time, I started a blog.

It was just for fun, because all my friends were doing it and I wanted to be a cool kid too.

I found out, after a little while, that I really enjoyed blogging! 

So I started another blog. And that blog had pictures, so it was automatically more awesome.

I found out after a little more while that I really enjoyed writing words and drawing pictures, and people enjoyed reading my words and admiring my pictures.

But I also found out that it's hard to draw and write and think of things to draw and write about all the time, so my blog kind of got neglected. 

I don't remember exactly what it was that got me going again. Maybe it was the excitement of my impending matrimony, or maybe I just had a lot of time on my hands all of a sudden, but I decided it was time to give my blog a little more attention. 

And after a little while, I started to remember how much I like writing and drawing, and more importantly, how much I liked making people laugh. 

"I loved your pictures!" 

"I saw your post the other day, that's so true!"

"I decided I was going to start reading, and then a couple hours later I was like 'I have to stop!'"

"It's so cute!"

And after another little while... I started to get a little bit obsessed. 

I was paying so much attention to my blog that my poor husband was starting to get neglected. 

And my poor hamsters, who are/were the heart and soul of Plans for Nigel.

And my sleep.

And my home.

And my... self.

But I didn't want to neglect my readers! I really do want to be known for my writing someday, and hopefully someday soon. And I really do want to make people laugh, and I want to cheer people up, and I want to make people think, and I want to touch people's hearts and minds and souls and stuff.

So I guess I just have to... quit my real job or something. Or find a way to manipulate time so I have more hours in the day.

But for really, I love you guys. In a mostly platonic way, but I do. I appreciate everyone that reads my blog, and I really appreciate everyone that shares it with their friends and family. Every person that reads is the driving force behind my next idea. If I know that someone's out there waiting for something new, I have a reason to write more things! 

So these words are mostly to say... thanks for all the support and encouragement y'all have provided over the years. And thanks for being awesome. 

These pictures are mostly to say... I want to keep posting, but I think I need to take a step back and become a little less... zealous. But this is good news for you guys! My future posts should be more about funny things and less about begging you to love me. 

But really, please love me. It sustains me.

Just kidding, I don't need you guys.

But really I do!

OK, here's the deal. I do need readers, or I'm a tree falling in the forest and there's anecdotes flying everywhere. So let's hear some trees holla back, shall we? I want feedback from you guys! What do YOU want out of Plans for Nigel? What interesting concepts do YOU want explained by someone who has no idea? What is YOUR favorite breed of cat? 

I want the goods, people! I'm sure you get tired of reading my words all the time. If you give me some words, I promise I'll still draw you pictures. And... you know... I never run out of words either. 

So don't worry.

I'll be right... here...

The Book

Well thanks, Devoted Fan! I appreciate your enthusiasm. 

The honest truth is, I totally already have a book. It's pretty awesome, and I started working on shortly before Plans for Nigel came into being. 

It started out as a place for me to put all my thoughts and ideas and controversial views on things, but it ended up being imbued with magical powers. It's basically a Horcrux.

Well, OK, Equal Opportunity Gender Inclusive Viewer. Yes, I have a book. Technically. 

A book.

But it's not like... a publishy book, in the sense that it's mostly a collection of scribbly drawings and interesting words similar to PFN, but way less organized and drawn with pens rather than digital voodoo. 

So you can't buy it. The ISBN is... 978YOURMOTHER.

Aww, it's going to be alright, Ethnically Diverse Reader. 

I'm not mailing my book to you, because as I stated earlier, it's attached to my soul by an ancient enchantment, and also I work for a book rental company and I know enough to realize that strangers can't be trusted. 

But that doesn't mean you can't read it.

I realized the other day that sometimes when my creativity is... lacking... I can just draw on old, stale creativity that has just been wasting away in my dusty ol' Book for a couple of years! It's just as fascinating and entertaining as Plans for Nigel, but I don't have to think of anything because I already thought of it.

So the good news is, I'll probably be posting marginally more often than usual over the next little while.

That's great, Faithful Supporter Representing An Age Demographic Other Than My Primary Viewers! I'm glad I brought light into your otherwise dreary life. If there's anything I want in this world, it is to fill all the people who have figured out how to operate the internet with joy! 

Well, Someone's Offspring That Should Be Reading My Blog, the idea is to have a legitimate book with actual pages and words and pictures on the pages and a binding with a cover and a real ISBN published in the eventual future. 

So by the time you learn how to read, you could be reading real life books written by me that people paid me for! Even you could someday spend your hard earned money on an illustrated masterpiece that would totally be worth every penny. 

I'll even autograph it if you want. 

For now, here is a sneak preview of the papery-type adventureness that is The Book:

That page actually makes a lot of sense compared to the rest of them.

Prepare yourselves.

For Hipsters, About Hipsters

So, hipsters. Am I right?

Actually I don't know. I'm not totally all up on the pop culture things, but I guess being "hipster" is the new thing now.

From what I understand, it's cool to be hipster but it's not cool to be like everyone else, but all the hipsters are the same and they like certain things, but they all claim to like things that no one else likes, but they all kind of flock together, too. 

So basically, the moral of the story is this: I don't understand hipsters. 

From my research, I've gathered the following data, which I've compiled in this cartoon picture diagram of a modern Utah Hipster. 

1. This same hairdo. The boys, the girls, the... somewhere in between... That's the other thing about hipsters, sometimes it's hard to tell the genders apart.

2. Those stupid freaking glasses. Apparently this is the single most identifying feature of the modern hipster. Throwing these glasses on something and captioning it "I ____ before it was cool" automatically means hipster.

3. Totally just tobacco, man. Hipsters... aren't a part of the system.

4. A stupid scraggly beard. Only the male hipsters sport this facial mold, because apparently it's cool to not be cool and throw grooming to the wind.

5. Thrift store clothes. Hipsters like to disguise the fact that they're mostly all poor college students with the idea that buying stinky old clothes is the latest fashion.

6. Suspenders in daily life. Because holding up your pants with a belt is too mainstream.

7. The slouchy posture. I think this might have something to do with the "tobacco," but also could be a display of their general disregard for cultural ideals.

8. Skinny Jeans. Most of them have skinny legs, too, for some reason. But the idea is to look as lurpy as possible, I guess.

9. Those are Toms. It's part of the Hipster Dress Code.

The most important way to identify a hipster, though, is if they ever refer to anything as "too mainstream" or say that they liked something "before it was cool." The basic idea behind hipsterism is to like things that aren't popular, and if there are any real life genuine hipsters that read this, or even wannabe hipsters, I have the following to say to you:

First off, I hope you weren't offended by my diagram. Lighten up, guys.

Secondly, Plans for Nigel is going to be the next big thing in a couple of years, just you wait and see. So wouldn't it be the most hipster thing ever to get behind the action before it becomes mainstream? Jessayin'. 

Tell all your friends. But, you know, through BBM or telegraph or something. Maybe send them a carrier pigeon.

Also, if you're not a fan of PFN on Facebook, you probably haven't heard about the super great contest I'm hosting, and you're also probably not as awesome as you could be. Fortunately for you, I've added yet another new page called "Prizes Fun!" that will provide you with all the deets. 

So you know you want to get in on that sweet action. To help you out, I'd like to direct your attention to the clicky button at the bottom of every post that will help you easily share it on Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, or email. 

Also, there's now a link to the Facebook page on the sidebar as well. It looks like a picture Hipster Nigel, but it's really a link if you click on it. If you like the page, it will boost your awesomeness level by like... six awesome points. I promise.

Redemption and Remorse

Once upon a time, there was a baby hamster named Radagast.

You may remember him from when I got him like three weeks ago. 

This story is about Radagast, as previously stated. 

Once upon a time there was a baby hamster named Radagast, and he liked to live life on the edge.

He was always super adorable even when he bit people all the frigging time.

He was the most bravest hamster in all the land, and apparently also possessed Spider Hamster* powers.

*he couldn't really swing from webs, but he climbed to great heights against the forces of nature.

He had a weird habit of pulling all the food out of his food dispenser, hiding it in random locations around his cage, and then crawling around and stuffing it all into his face.

And I mean... like... all of it.

If you think that picture is an exaggeration, here is a real life actual picture of him doing it.

If you look reeeeeally closely, you can see how super duper fat his cheeks are from stuffing so much food in.

And yes, that is a toilet paper roll in the background. Once upon a time there was a baby hamster named Radagast and his favorite toy was a toilet paper tube. He made forts and tunnels with it.

His other favorite game was jumping between the upper levels of his cage like some sort of tiny furry daredevil. 

To illustrate to you the daredevility of his stunts, here is a picture of his house:

He started up getting from red shelf to red shelf by running across the top of the wheel, but eventually graduated up to just jumping the gap.

One day, Radagast was home alone and had nothing to do but entertain himself by doing stunts.

We will never know for certain if this is what really happened, but from what I could tell when I got home, it went something like this:

He wasn't even six months old, the little bugger. I'm not entirely sure what it was that killed him, but in a way it almost makes me feel a little better to know that maybe it wasn't my fault that they died. He had plenty of food and water, and his cage had been cleaned fairly recently. After talking to some friends, I found out that the water in our new apartment has higher concentrations of fluoride, and maybe it was a slow poison type situation. Or maybe it was just a coincidence. There are lots and lots of reasons why little hamsters can die, and I've written before about the inherent terror and paranoia that comes from owning a hamster. 

Losing Bandy was hard, but losing both my little friends within a few days of each other was super tough. Sometimes in life there are things we can't control, as I wrote about before, but boy do I wish we could.

And now, for the first time in almost two and a half years...

I have no hamsters. 

Once I Tried Sports

So, I realized as I was looking back over my more recent stories, most of my words lately have been fairly depressing. Since PFN is mostly intended to be a humorous blogtoon, I've decided to address one of the most comical subjects I can think of:

Me attempting to participate in sports-related activities. 

The story starts when I was in 7th grade, and a boy that I liked was on the track team. I don't know what strange ideas possessed my mind and convinced me that being on the track team with him would cause him to like me, especially considering the fact that this particular boy ran like an amazing spirit and would go on to be the boys' state cross country champion in high school. But, since my teeny little brain was clouded by little bitty hormones, I decided to go for it.

Now, let me describe to you my 11-year-old physique...

When I was in 7th grade, I was 4'9 and weighed about 80 pounds. My parents always made fun of me and told me that, technically, Utah law requires anyone under 85 pounds to ride in a car seat. 

My body was not built for athleticism. 

Fortunately I went to public school, and therefore I guess they were required to let anyone and everyone try out for the track team, and the coaches tried really hard to find an event for me. 

First I tried sprinting...

...which turned out to not be my event. Turns out when you have teeny little lungs and little short legs, it's hard to cover any distance with any sort of speed.

Next I tried something a little less... running-oriented. The coaches thought that maybe I would be better at the long jump, since I didn't weigh very much and it didn't require running for much distance.

...that turned out to not really be my niche either.

Obviously I wasn't going to be great at anything that required very long legs, and jumping a great distance in a horizontal direction definitely wasn't for the stubby of limbs. Perhaps, however, my teeny body could get some vertical momentum instead. 

...high jumping also yielded less than thrilling results.

At the end of the tryouts and at the end of the coaches' patience, someone somewhere suggested one final event for me to try.

Seriously, I don't know whose idea it was to have the 80-pound girl throw a 50-pound shot, but I wasn't amused. (Also, yes, I know that a typical shot doesn't weigh more than 9 pounds for women, but it seemed much closer to my body weight than it should have been.)

Needless to say, I did not go home from tryouts that day as the newest member of the track team. This wasn't because I didn't make the team, though. The poor coaches, bless their hearts, tried to convince me that if I kept trying, they could find something for me to excel at, but I decided it wasn't worth the disappointment. Sometimes you just know when you are meant for more... sedentary things.

Lucky for me, though, I went on to try band, and that worked out pretty well for me. The little boy I liked in 7th grade played trumpet, conveniently, and he ended up being my very first date in high school. We're still bestest friends to this day. Also convenient was the fact that my dearly beloved husband played trumpet as well, and had I been a sportsperson, it's likely we would have never met.

As I tell this story to friends and family all these years later, the response I get is almost always "But if they had let you try the pole vault, I'm sure that would have been perfect for you!" 

Somehow, I can't see that ending well either.

We Make Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. 

We're all human. Well, most of us. Those of us that aren't hamsters or other non-human forms of life are definitely human. 

As the old saying goes, "it's only human." 

Sometimes the mistakes we make are small and only cause minor inconveniences.

We might forget the oil in a cake.

Or sleep in and show up late for work.

We could take a wrong turn and get lost for a while, or accidentally run a stop sign.

Other times, we make bigger mistakes that lead to much larger consequences.

Perhaps someone in a position of power could make a poor leadership decision and the results could affect the lives of several people under his or her direction. 

Or maybe we make a poor financial investment and lose our life savings.

A person could make a hasty decision about who to marry, and later face heartbreak and divorce.

But sometimes in life, we make he worst kind of mistakes: the small mistakes that have huge consequences. 

Maybe we accidentally leave the stove on and a child gets burned.

Or maybe a scientist makes a minor miscalculation and a dangerous experiment turns deadly.

These are the worst kinds of mistakes, because most of the time, they're almost unnoticeable until after the fact.

Maybe they're due to carelessness, or sometimes they result from some tiny, unavoidable action.

After we see the consequences of our mistakes, it's easier to see where we went wrong.

We might experience guilt, remorse, regret.

As much as we might like, every human knows that we can't change the past. 

We have to live with our mistakes, and learn from them. 

The only thing we can do is move forward, and try to be better.

And never forget the lessons we've learned.

Like the fact that all the affection in the world can't save a hamster who has no water in his bottle for days when it's a hundred degrees.

R.I.P. Walter-called-Bandy.

 It would have been his second adoptiversary in a couple of weeks, and we were going to have a party. Shortly after that, we were going to move him in with Radagast so he could have a friend again. After Nigel died, I had a hard time taking care of him because it always made me sad to look at him. He got left alone a lot, and he probably felt a little neglected. It breaks my heart a thousand times over to know that after all the time and effort and attention I gave Nigel, Bandy died because I couldn't be bothered to check his water once in a while.

We all make mistakes. Some are harder to deal with than others.